Sunday, September 14, 2008

Archive 4-21-2008

Judgy Wudgy was a meddling relative

It is not a shocker that I am not always pleased with the way I look (who is really?). I'm chubby...not afraid to say it...chubster am I. Believe me(!) I am trying to change that but as we all know it's not that easy to do. Let's take a look at my weight fluctuating past, shall we?

I come from a curvy family. My mom's curvy, my aunt's are curvy, I have one cousin who is a 6' model type. I love her with all my heart. My inside joke with her? She got the legs, I got the boobs. I've never been a skinny girl but damn my tits and ass looked great in my senior year prom dress.

About 7 years ago, as I was about to leave college for the big city life, I had a really sucky break up. I wanted nothing more than to look fabulous and after a few months I did. I got down to about 100 lbs. I was hot! And miserable. I don't recall what I was (or wasn't) eating, I sure as heck was drinking, and I worked out ALL the time. These are not the reasons I was miserable. I don't remember being hungry, I do remember being drunk (a little), and it felt good to work out. I was miserable in my life. I was at a huge turning point, making life changing decisions. I had no idea who I was and that made me tense and uncomfortable so I got sucked into thinking if I was skinny and boys in bars hit on me I could be happy, I wasn't.
As we all have read before, I met the love of my life five years ago (in fact this May is our 5 year anniversary as well as our 6 month wedding anniversary...we're opening a really awesome bottle of Pinot Noir for that...*gasp* imagine the calories!)...anyway. I was in a really good place. I didn't look half bad, I loved where I lived, what I did, and who I could he resist? Needless to say we fell in love, happily ever after, blah, blah, blah.
As many of you lovers out there may already know, a strange phenomena occurs when you fall blissfully in love. All you can think about is each other, you go out to dinner, you order dessert, wine, you move in together, you order pizza, wine...translation=you get fat! I got fat. I became a confident, happy person who loved to order chinese food and you guessed it, wine, with my boyfriend!
Do not misinterpret, I do not blame any of my weight gain on my husband. I blame it on the comfortability that comes with being a happy person, whether that be in your relationship, new job, or what have you. You go out, you celebrate, you have one more bite/drink and before you know it, you got some chub on you.
(Yes, Yes I know this isn't everyone. I know there are people out there who are fitness buffs and love to work out and have willpower, whatever, suck it then, this isn't about you)
I love to hang with the important people in my life and have a few drinks, I love to go out to dinner and experience my dinner, which means ordering dessert. Sometimes I love that feeling of being stuffed to the gills.
But I also loved my size 6 Calvin Kline yes I am a work in progress. I go to the gym, I walk the dog, I drink ALOT of water and dammit I do love vegetables. So I don't need a reminder, that's what a mirror is for. And sometimes I look in that mirror and think, "I look fucking hot today".

(as for the title of this post, i know what it means and that's all that matters)

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