Thursday, September 8, 2011

I'm having a really, a baby!

It occurred to me the other day that I'm having a baby.
I mean, I get it. She's in there. Moving around, having dance parties at 11pm, stretching my tummy out and making me really cranky if I haven't eaten in a few hours.
But really...a baby!
I was sitting and doing the math again the other day as I have my doc appt tomorrow and I thought to myself...
"Holy F*@$&! We have 3 months to go!"
Three months people! That is not a long time...AT ALL.
I have fully embraced pregnancy. You kind of have to. I appreciate my growing belly (for the most part) and as I have said before I got really lucky. It (pregnancy) seems to suit me. Not that I am planning to do this again terribly soon, I'm just sayin'.
But all of a sudden as I am mere moments from my third trimester, things are changing. I am getting more and more uncomfortable, sleeping less, heartburn is killing me, I suspect that my feet may swell soon and I have discovered one baby stripe (I will not say stretch mark) right across the middle of my upper belly.
I have also started to think about what is to come after Dec. 10th (my supposed due date). I won't be working right away, my hubby will be working all the time, and I will be left alone with this little person who will be relying on me for pressure.
I'm a little scared. Scratch that, I'm a lot scared! I know I have an incredible support system and plenty of people waiting in the wings to jump out and babysit, visit, cook dinner, or just hold her while I nap.
But still...
I'M the one who has to give birth. I'M the one who has to figure out breastfeeding. There will be days when it is just her and I, trying to figure each other out, for hours on end.
Don't get me wrong. I am very much looking forward to my alone time with my little girl but let's be's probably gonna get old for a bit before she starts reacting and developing her personality.
So here I sit. Scared, excited, fat(in a good, purposeful way...but fat), scared, emotional, thrilled, oh and scared.
I can't wait to meet her and start this whole new chapter.
But I also kind of dig things the way they are...before the whole childbirth thing happens.
I have so many plans for our family.
But I feel completely unprepared for her arrival.
I'm so excited to carry her and hug her and help her take her first steps.
But I think I will miss feeling her inside of me.

It is a massive bag of mixed emotions as we move closer to the end of the first leg of this incredible journey.