Monday, October 22, 2012

But only for now...

I closed my show yesterday. First show AB...yes, After Baby.
It has been a bittersweet experience. I have worked with this particular director on a number of occasions and we just seem to get each other (not to mention the fact that she has given me the gift of a few dream roles!). It has been a joy to work with her again. It has been a joy to do this particular show, a show that Ty and I have grown to love over the years. It has been a joy to do something just for me.
And I am so glad to be done!
I hope this is not misconstrued. I love doing shows, I love the people I work with, the characters I play. So why am I so relieved to be finished with a show I have always wanted to be a part of?
I am about to say something I have vowed never to say to another human I will only say it here.
When you have kids, you'll understand.
I think this is one of the rudest, most condescending statements a person can make. But it's kind of true.
Disclaimer:If you never have kids you won't understand, exactly. And that is totally ok with me. Everyone has their own priorities and this is mine. (Which is exactly why I think this is such a rude statement-I couldn't care less if you ever have kids, not my business.)
I went out with the cast once. And that was when one of the Tony award winning composers happened to come to our show. I thought that might be a "not to be missed" opportunity.
I am usually the one yelling at other cast members for not going out. I have eaten my weight in pizza at Pub Dog. My husband gets really excited to see my shows...since that's really the only time he'll get to see me during the process!
But this one was different. I knew it going in. It was gonna be tough.
Have I always dreamed of bringing my child into the world of theatre by having her in tow for rehearsals? Yep! I mean how cool is that? My kid got to see "behind the scenes", got to listen to Mommy during music rehearsals, got her own private puppet show (she really loved Nicky and Ricky, blew her mind a little bit, not gonna lie). Did I mention how hard it is to concentrate on your lines when your infant child is doing something super cute? Or wailing cause she's hungry? Yeah...
And then there's the nights I didn't have her with me. Ugh. I missed her, every time! I would count the minutes until I got to see her again.
Now, I can say that I have done some pretty awesome, check off the bizarre bucket list things. Breast fed during music rehearsal. Pumped in my dressing room. Twice. Every night of the run. Makes me feel kind of badass.
And kind of like a mom.
These moments keep happening to me. Last night was the cast party. I went, had one drink and scooted home to see my hubby and be in bed by 9:30.
I may not do another show for a while. I don't know. This was hard because I now need to figure out a way for these two worlds to meet and that may take a little time. This show I was blessed with an incredibly understanding cast, loving supportive family and a kick ass husband! It was still hard.
As I sit here on this glorious morning post show having snuggled my girl into nap #1, knowing I don't have to be anywhere tonight, I am relieved. And sad. And relaxed.

But more than anything I am thrilled to have another entire day with Evie Sue. Priorities have shifted permanently.
I have traded late nights with the cast for rushing home to put baby to bed, gossiping in the green room for frantically pumping between scenes and crazy, fun pre show dance parties for goofy, fun post nap dance parties.
I love both of these worlds and one day I will make sure they have a proper introduction. For the moment I will put away my resume and take my place onstage in Evie Sue's life. For now I am a lead role and that may not always be the case.
At the risk of being cheesy and bringing myself and fellow castmates to tears, I will quote the show I just closed.
For now there's life, for now there's love, for now there's work, for now there's happiness. Everything in only for now.

Saturday, October 13, 2012

10 Months!

Wow. So it's been awhile. It's been a busy couple of months. Where to begin?
Evie Sue is mere days away from being 10 months old!
I know I always say this the hell did that happen so fast? She is gorgeous, mischievous, beyond brilliant...ugh, I just love her. She is a crawling machine and one night at 4am I woke to find her standing up in her crib yelling, "Hook up the tap, Momma! Baby girl's hungry!"
I kid...or do I?
But for reals, a lot has happened.
Button and I flew to Minnesota for some much needed family time. She did great on the plane and was a huge hit with all her relatives (as we knew she would be). She got to meet Grandpa and her cousins, Auntie Kari and Uncle Scott(among many others) and of course "Great Uncle" Tom.
This was bittersweet as very soon after we returned home Tom lost his well fought battle with cancer. I was devastated and blessed all at the same time. We lost a wonderful man but my daughter got to meet him...and he got to meet her. I will always feel lucky for that.
We took a day trip to D.C. the other day and the babe had her first Metro ride and I got a glimpse of what life might be like if we ever make our way back to Chicago and city was grand.

Evie Sue has also been able to spend a lot of time with Mommy at the theatre as I opened my latest show, Ave. Q. Now there is a strong possibility that my daughter's first word will be either pussy or fuck because of this but hey, what's a little 4 letter word compared to a puppet show every night in 5 part harmony?
Otherwise things continue. We have a rough schedule that we try and keep. She remains a relatively good sleeper, eater and all around happy girl. We have gotten in a habit of at least one meal together now that she eats what we eat.

Usually it ends up being breakfast. Pumpkin pancakes, cereal, omelets or just yogurt. Doesn't matter to us as long as we're together.
There are small daily struggles and large life struggles still. Not enough money for another car as one is slowly dying, teething, not enough time in general, and the occasional Mr. Mom evening of frustration and poop as Mommy goes off to work. None of it matters though. She is so incredible and so smart and so beautiful. I love to watch her figure shit out. I love being her Mom. As she sleeps in the next room all I can think about is how sad I will be tonight as I drop her off to hang with her cousins while I do my show. Don't get me wrong, I am thrilled to go do a little something for me for a few hours(even if I do count down the minutes until I see her again). And I am beyond grateful for loving and supportive family. But my heart breaks a tiny bit and swells immeasurably when she turns to me with that toothy grin and waves bye bye.
Now if you'll excuse me as I wipe my tears and go stare at my sleepy girl for a few minutes before she wakes up...