Wednesday, April 25, 2012

Watch out...opinionated post!

Okay! Is anyone else seriously irritated by this whole "pregnant man" thing? Because I am! Here's the deal...he was not a man!!! Let me clarify. I totally respect the fact that he feels as if he were born the incorrect gender. I also respect the fact that he can make the decision to change his gender by taking hormones and having gender reassignment surgery. Please take notice of the fact that I am even referring to him with male pronouns for crying out loud! That said, what I don't respect is the fact that he made the choice to become a man, took the hormones, even went so far as to get himself legally referred to as a man BUT did not remove his FEMALE organs and stopped taking hormones so he could get pregnant, give birth and call himself a "pregnant man". Again, let me clarify. I don't care that he wanted a baby...great! Have one! By all means. I get that he was the one who was gonna be able to have a baby in the relationship and that's fine. But don't call yourself a pregnant man. It all comes down to the little things for me. I'm happy that he has found himself, I am happy he has a family. But as a woman, who recently gave birth, I take issue with the fact that he wants to be referred to and make a celebrity out of himself by being "the pregnant man". P.S. Men can't have babies...unless of course they have female sex organs...which he did! Which technically makes him...A WOMAN! Being pregnant is an amazing experience and I am sorry that men can't have that...but they can't. It's ours. Because you see we have the uterus and the vagina where the baby grows and subsequently comes out of. It's all basic really. I feel the need to keep repeating myself as to not piss anyone off completely (of course it's my blog so who cares right?) I don't give a shit about his lifestyle. I am so happy he has found peace with who he is. But please don't try and take this from us. I feel pretty badass that I grew a child inside of me because I know only half the population can do it (even less). Don't take that away from me by going just far enough to become a man but not far enough so that you can, for lack of a better term, become a circus side show act. I realize that sounds harsh. But he didn't need to let the whole world in on his little one. If he really just wanted a family with his wife why do I and the rest of the world need to know about it. I find it to be very disrespectful to women that he is out there (whether he started it or not let's face it, he's not running from the cameras)touting himself as a pregnant man when in reality he was born a woman and still had all his female organs when this happened...because if he hadn't/didn't it wouldn't have happened! Pregnancy is a wonderful, mind blowing, insanely amazing experience that only women have the honor of experiencing. And not all women even get to. Some women can't get pregnant, some need help. Some spends years trying and wishing and agonizing over the possibility. Have respect for that. Even if you make the choice not to be one of us any longer (again, no judgement)don't take this incredible honor from us.

Wednesday, April 18, 2012

4 months? Really?

A couple of days ago my baby girl, light of my life, joys of joys, the person I waited 9 months to meet, the person that my husband and I created(!) turned 4 months old. Really! 4 months of not sleeping well, breastfeeding, changing a gazillion (literally) diapers and having the time of my life. I have watched her grow from a tiny 6 lbs to a, well, tiny 11 lbs. I have pulled hair out and cried many a tear both sad and happy. I never believed I could have so many amazing feelings towards something so little. Someone that has changed my life in every way possible, all for the better.
But I have a secret.
Every Tuesday night, as I pull away in my car for my one night of work, I turn up the radio incredibly loud and sigh a tiny sigh of relief. The next 4 hours (roughly) are mine. I get to drive, really fast, and not worry about the tiny being that I am responsible for in the backseat because she is not with me those nights. I get to run around with my students and not worry about if my baby girl is being entertained, learning something or just plain safe because she is not with me.
I get to sing as loud as I want to whatever music I want and not worry about waking a sleeping baby or tainting her musical education with some pop crap that frankly, can be super fun to sing along to because she is at home.
She is at home safe in the arms of Daddy and I am free.
I know. I sound awful. I am the worst mother ever.
But damn it feels just a little good to drive away those nights with the window down and the massive weight of raising a human being off my shoulders for a few hours.
I have learned to let go (a little) and trust my husband (a little) and for a few hours each week I get to go away and let my husband and daughter bond.
Now don't get me wrong. I walk in the door after those few hours and I make a beeline for the Button. No hello kiss for the hubby, no pat on the head for the dog. I make a straight shot for my daughter, scoop her into my arms and hug and kiss her as if I've been gone for days. I've never known what it's like to miss a person like I miss her in those few hours.
Hmm...maybe I'm not the worst mother after all.