Just over a month ago I went back to work. Full. Time.
After 14 months at home with my sweet girl I joined the workforce again at full force! I am the new Director at My Gym Annapolis and I couldn't be more excited. Or devastated. I've had some time to get used to it. Or really I should say that I hardly had time before I HAD to get used to it. Within a month I got the offer, found the daycare and started. It's awesome, my boss rocks, I really enjoy my days and as expected, Evie Sue is doing great at daycare.
But life has changed dramatically. I went from spending my days crawling around after my girl, finding fun, educational stuff for us to do to crawling around after 15 kids, teaching 3-6 classes a day and barely having the time to desperately miss my darling daughter.
It's been hard. Really hard. I miss her every second...but I really like my job. I feel as if I have had the best and worst of each world. One second I feel guilty for enjoying my job, the next guilty for wanting to be at home with Evie all day long again. It's a lovely never ending cycle.
And other aspects of my life have changed.
I've said this before too. You know who your real friends are when you have a kid. I know that all of our lives move forward and people lose touch for many reasons and get busy and that it takes effort on both ends...yes, I get it.
I have been lucky to have a couple of friends who have been incredible as I made the insane transition into Motherhood. They were supportive, proactive, and just...there. Of course these girlfriends have since moved far, far away...or in one case, already lived far away.
Ty and I are on almost opposite schedules these days so we try and take our time together as seriously as we can. But it's difficult on the nights when he is gone to pick up the phone, call a girlfriend and say "I've worked a 9 hour day and my kid has to go to sleep in an hour...wanna come over and keep me company while we quietly sip our cheap wine as to not wake the babe?"
Sounds like fun, huh?
I get overwhelmed. I get lonely. I get sad. I get tired. I need to be alone with my daughter and I need to spend time with girlfriends. Guess I'm human huh? I miss nights out. I miss certain people. I miss, for lack of a better term, freedom. I know it sounds harsh but it's kind of true. I don't get to go out on a whim. I missed a show with a group of friends because I couldn't get a sitter. Evie Sue is in bed by 8 at the latest and I...hang on my couch.
But as usual, as I rock my girl to sleep and she sits up just to smile at me, I couldn't imagine a better night. Nothing, and I mean nothing, tops your kid smiling at you and throwing her arms around you, ready to snuggle to sleep. I would give up almost anything for that.
Being a mom is hard. Being a stay at home mom is hard. Being a working mom is hard. I am proud to say I have had the great fortune to be both.