Saturday, January 21, 2012

The things nobody tells you...and the things everyone tells you but you don't believe.

Here we are. One month into this parenthood thing and the one thing that nobody tells you? The one thing that if you were told you may reconsider? The thing nobody tells you because you really wouldn't believe them?
Sometimes it really sucks.
Preface: I love my daughter with every part of my being. At no point are any of my negative feelings directed at her (well most of the time). She is my new everything and what she needs I will deliver to the best of my ability and then some.
But really...sometimes it sucks.
Because you see, she's this little person with feelings and emotions and fears and needs and pain. And absolutely NO way to tell us which is which. This can be frustrating. Especially at 4am. Or at 5pm when you're incredibly sleep deprived and hungry.
Which reminds me. One of those things people always tell you and you don't really believe them? As a new mom, you don't get to eat...ever. I am currently out of frozen meals and I have no idea how I am gonna make it through the night. I have a fridge full of food but I would need to actually have two hands and 5 minutes to prepare it so that's out the window. I am back to my pre-pregnancy weight already. Miracle? Maybe. Can't find time to remember to eat more than a handful of walnuts and some yogurt? More likely.
"Sleep when they sleep". Um, ok.
Still waiting on her to take a nap today. It's 6pm.
Another thing they don't tell you? You will cry. For no reason. At any time during the day. Oh, pregnancy hormones. The gift that keeps on giving.
Oh and don't even get me started on breastfeeding. As my amazing pediatrician said, "Don't let anyone tell you that it isn't painful. Toe curling, kick your legs, actually cry out, painful". Has it gotten better? Yes, for sure. Does it still blow? Yes, for sure.
You will have irrationally angry feelings towards your partner no matter how supportive they are. If you breastfeed, there will inevitably be that night when you have to get up, cause you see, you have the boobies. And you look over and your partner is sound asleep. Snoring, in fact, through the screams coming through the monitor. And irrational as it is, you are pissed and resentful and sort of want to pour a bucket of cold breast milk over them just so they at least wake up and feel your pain.
"You're dog won't be your baby anymore." Now this blows but it's kind of true. It's just that your baby is SO high maintenance that it can be difficult to cater to anyone or anything else. It's not your fault and certainly I still try and give my dog attention when Evie Sue is sleeping but Tootsie gets shorter walks these days and get in a lot of trouble when she gets in to the diaper pail (which is usually my fault for leaving the top up).
I know what you're thinking, "Wow Sara, do you like your new life as a mom at all!?"
Yes, of course. And no. It is a massive lifestyle change. You are not your own anymore, you belong to this little person that you created and you have to make sure she gets everything she needs all the time. You're gonna be late, for everything. Your clothing, which you will wear at least two to three days in a row and sleep in, will smell like spit up/pee/poo/whatever other bodily function happened within the last 24 hours. You will be tired all of the time. You will not be able to catch up, at least not for the next 10 years.
But as you stand over the changing table for the third time in the last 1/2 hour and suddenly she smiles, it's ok. As you rock away in the recliner, praying that she passes out because it's 3:30 am and she coos, it's ok. And as you jump out of bed because the monitor wasn't making any noise and you run into the nursery only to find your husband and child fast asleep, cuddling in said recliner, it's ok.
She grabs your finger, picks her head up for a second, focuses on you face and slowly falls asleep in you's all ok. It's all worth it.
It's challenging every hour of the day and yes, I've pulled a little hair out here and there.
But it's the best thing I've ever done and the coolest adventure that I can't wait to continue.