Wednesday, January 6, 2010

My heart is breaking tonight. As I sit, cuddling with my little baby Tootsie I am all too aware that my father in law is at this very moment, having his German Shepard, Trixie, put to sleep after 10 years of devotion.
It is a very helpless feeling knowing that someone you love is going through something so hard. I have no idea how I will make it through the inevitable day, a long time from now, when I will have to make that horrible decision.
It has not been the easiest 6 months for my father in law, or any of us for that matter. If you weren't already aware, Ty's mother passed away last July after a 7 year battle with Ovarian cancer. I can't even fathom losing my mom at this point in my life. Having to watch my husband go through that was nothing less than devastating. I adored my mother in law. I always said I got really lucky in the "in law" department, I mean, come on, if anything she gave me the love of my life! So not only was I losing someone I loved, cared for and admired but I had to also deal with the helpless feelings of not knowing how to support Ty.
We made it through the summer, somehow, hand in hand. We changed our focus from a move to Chicago to supporting Ty's family here.
As the holidays approached we braced ourselves. It was difficult to say the least. Every tradition, song, ornament a memory. We did what we could. We went to church on Christmas Eve as Sue would have wanted, instead of party hopping on New Year's we decided on a quiet night on the bay with Ty's dad, a bottle of champagne and a movie. And on New Year's day, the day of the Cobb's annual open house, we all made it a point to be together as the open house was cancelled.
We didn't do these things because we had to, we did them because we needed to and it was right to do them.
I cannot imagine the pain of losing my partner. Nor can I imagine losing my dog. My heart breaks for my father in law who has had to endure both in the last 6 months. I can only hope that we can provide even a little support to help with these losses that have affected us all.
It has taken me awhile to be able to write about losing Sue. I never knew what to say or how to say it eloquently on a blog. It took another loss for me to be able to put my feelings out there. I am not comparing the loss of a dog to the loss of a person but as an old friend once said to me, "Don't compare pain. Pain is pain."
I can only hope we can continue to support each other as a family. The days go by and someday the pain of these losses will seem less although it is hard to imagine how that could ever be.
I, myself, when caught in a moment of grief, will remember Trixie trying with all her might to catch up with Tootsie in the backyard, invigorated by this 13 pound mutt playing chase with her.
I will also remember the smile and utter joy on my mother in law's face while watching Ty in what would become the last show she would see him in.
That is how I will make it through.

Monday, January 4, 2010

Off the top of my head I can think of at least 5 or 6 movies I could watch over and over again. Goodfellas, Love Actually, St. Elmo's Fire, Groundhog get the point. These do not include the movies that I come across on t.v. and can't pass up. The Godfather, Once Bitten, Stayin' Alive. My point here folks, is that I find it rather easy to pick out movies to watch again and again. Movies are pretty mindless for the most part and it can be relaxing and somewhat comforting to review an old fave. I mean, for God's sake, St. Elmo's is such an all time favorite of mine that I actually refer to it as "my friends"! Really!
Anyhoo....My question to you...oh blogger reader..."Is there a BOOK that you can read over and over again?"
I have found very few. I can count on one hand, albeit I fill that hand, how many books I can/have read more than once. You want the list? You know you do...
Here we go
Talking to Dragons by Patricia C. Wrede - I read this book waaaaay back in the day. Apparently it is part of a series (who knew?) and I have never read any other parts of it. All I remember was a very fun, adventure filled fantasy tale of a young man and a fire witch...god, I wanted to be a fire witch! I loved it, I acted it out(!), I read it twice.
Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas by Hunter S. Thompson - I am pretty sure that the only reason I read this in the first place was to look badass in the eyes of some guy...but i loved it! It was funny, strange and took me on a crazy ride. I read it twice.
The last three I will lump together. Two words, reader. Ruth. Reichl. She is the editor in chief of Gourmet magazine, was the chief food critic for the New York Times from '93-'99 and could be my new favorite author. I was introduced to the first of her memoirs on my honeymoon by Ty's aunt, Tender At The Bone. I flew through it and on my return to normal life I promptly purchased her next two.
Comfort Me With Apples
Garlic and Sapphires

I am currently reading Garlic and Sapphires for the second time and really that is only because I very recently reread Comfort Me With Apples and I feel that I should not overstay my welcome by reading it for a third time in less than 2 years. Comfort Me With Apples is my favorite out of the three but they are all excellent. She writes about food and traveling, love and loss and she does it all with care and wit. She is funny and self deprecating and I adore her. I want to go where she goes and eat what she eats. She has incredible ways of describing food. 'Translucent', 'The bird tasted wild and funky, with that high, almost electric note you find only in birds that have never been caged', and she has referred to wine more than once as 'the garnet liquid'.
AND(!) every one of her memoirs is peppered with recipes (not that I've tried any...yet). Oh, and you don't even have to read them in order.
I know she has written other cookbooks and introductions to other author's books. She has also written another memoir, Not Becoming My Mother and I have not heard great things. For now I will stick with the three I love. If you love food, as I do, and love really good writing, I encourage you to check them out. Enjoy.