Friday, January 9, 2009

The List.

So I got back from the Holidays (to catch you up...Minnesota followed by Chicago), settled back into normal life again, and got a little bored. Recently I got very lucky and was able to perform with a bunch of talented folk. I also auditioned for a show but did not get it. I was feeling "uninspired", not so much "creative". These whole 5 and 1/2 days that I have been back I've wanted something more.
So here's the deal.
I have decided...NOT in a New Year's way...but in an "I'm needing to be creative dammit" way...that I will write on this blog at least once a week (maybe more;). Not about my daily life, my daily life is not that exciting right now (go to work, play with kids, check for dirty diapers, come home, walk dog, watch tv, go to bed). But observations...things I read, hear about, see.
Please feel free to let me know what you think. I would love to think that some of these might even be conversation starters.
Anyways. Today we start with The List. Not the ever dreaded NY list, no. The "mate" list. That list that we all make or made up before we get/got married. What we want in a mate.
I was listening to a local radio show the other morning and they were going through traits that people had sent in. I did agree with some (respect, intelligence) I was appalled by some that were missing, we'll get back to that. I thought I would do a little research. Here are some of the things I've found.
The Neanderthals had a formula. Women looked for security and commitment while Men wanted beauty. As that formula progressed it became Women wanting an older, established mate with money and security while Men would seek out a younger woman who was considered beautiful and fertile...i.e. "sugar daddies" and "trophy wives".
While I would like to think that this "formula" is a little dated I will not negate the need for security, commitment, and of course, a nice little hottie on your arm.
Fast forward to our age of speed dating, web dating and Mars versus Venus. We now have to be a little more specific. Here are some newer traits that appeared during some of my research.
Personality, Ambition, Chemistry, Spirituality, Character(meaning honesty, courage, etc.), Creativity, Parenting Skills, and Authenticity.
Whew! It's like a resume.
I'm sure I made a list. I'm sure it had traits like Italian, funny, loves me for me, not blonde, NOT an actor, has a muscular back....and so forth.
But what struck me most about all of these "lists" and "desirable traits" is that not one list said sense of humor! That has always made it on my lists as much as they changed over the years. It was even in my vows for god's sake. If you can't laugh on a daily basis, what's the point? (of course that's my opinion).
And that got me thinking about how much effort people put into these damned lists and fall in love with someone completely different.
To loosely quote The Rolling Stones... you can't always get what you want...but you might find, you get what you need.
I fantasized about a gorgeous italian man whose family owned a restaurant. My husband comes from a southern, military family.
I was hellbent on a man who was in no way, shape or form involved in the entertainment industry...especially not an actor. I married an actor who wrote a play that I starred in.
I didn't get everything that was on my "dream mate" lists that I'd been making since high school. But I did get the one thing that was on every list, the ever important (to me) Sense of Humor.
Everything else just fell into place the way it was supposed to.

2 comments:

Kristi said...

hey Sarah, if you're interested I'd like to invite you to participate in "Thoughts for Thursday", which is an informal thing that me and other bloggers do. On Thursdays we each choose and write about some topic and try to get a discussion going on our blogs. We link to each others also, to increase readership. Anyone can do their own TFT whenever they want...no pressure, just whenever you have something on your mind.
Your post today reminds me of one of those type of posts! I have never made a list, but sense of humor is very important to me and one of the top reasons Erick and I are still together after 10 years :)

Jilly said...

Yay! I will be checking daily for your weekly blog ;) I think I'm a little pathetic ... just a little.