Every pregnancy is different so I'm told. Some people get terribly sick, I did not. Some people's boobs get huge, mine did not...yet(of course if you know me I figure the pregnancy gods are just being fair). And everyone has different ups and downs. Here are some of my downs:
-Exhaustion. I could fall asleep standing up at a rock concert during the first trimester! It was bad...really.
-Weird bodily changes. Everything inside you shifts....EVERYTHING. My ribs are in my throat, my abdominals are in my back, and I have a sneaking suspicion that I no longer have lungs or a diaphragm as half the time I can't breathe! I feel best in the morning. In fact, sometimes I wake up and wonder if she's still in there. By the end of the day I am bloated and the pressure in my uterus is unreal.
-Hormones. Emotions. Oh dear god. Gentlemen, if you think PMS sucks, just wait until you knock your girl up. Every diaper commercial makes me weep, the sound of my husband's voice goes from making me smile to making me want to punch him in the throat in mere moments and I can no longer hold in any of my true feelings. Whew! And yes, I complain almost daily of feeling fat...my husband likes to just remind me that I am pregnant. This does not help.
-Fears. I am scared. Of what? Oh I don't know, what is happening to my body, childbirth, the big words in all the pregnancy books that I don't understand, not being able to feed my child, dropping her, not being a good mom or raising her the best I can and having her still turn out to be an asshole...to name a few.
Now here are the ups.
-First time we saw and heard baby. There are no words and nothing that can prepare you for this moment. It is incredible.
-An increasing sense of needing to take care of yourself. In recent years I have been a relatively healthy eater but the moment you realize that you are in charge of sending nutrients to a growing being inside of you, you want it to be the best. I eat as fresh as I can and beyond the occasional lemonade the only liquids that enter my body are water, half caff coffee, oj and milk.
-The amazing feeling that as you walk down the street there is no way physically that you can "suck it in", so you don't even try.
-Feeling her move. This is relatively new and it's pretty badass. I can feel her dipping and diving around in there, I'm only sad Ty can't feel it yet.
-Speaking of my husband. The moment you realize that you've created something so precious together you really do become a team. A team that argues over when we should start working on the nursery and where all the books should go so they won't fall on top of our child! But really, it's fun to have this "project" that is all yours and to feel that you two alone are working towards something incredible. It's been hard and emotional at times. But there are also the times when we just sit and dream together about all the things we're gonna show this little girl and that is the best!
-The excitement! I'm excited. 'Nuff said.
And my favorite "up" is one that I have just recently discovered. I am not showing a whole lot but I can definitely feel the large, roundness of my uterus inside of me. When I laugh, if it's a good one, I can feel it everywhere. I feel like Tim Allen in The Santa Clause...really! I literally feel as if I am shaking up a bowl of jelly! At first this weirded me out but then I started to think. If I could make any wish for my daughter it would be that she laughs... a lot. To me it's always been very important to laugh and have a sense of humor and if I can pass that along to my kidlet I will be a very happy mama. So when my husband/baby daddy makes me laugh, which is daily, and I feel as if I should be saying "Hohoho" I'd like to think that I am passing along the giggles. As my belly shakes up and down with glee I imagine
that my little girl can feel the joy and smiles and laughs that are ready to welcome her into the world!