Sunday, March 6, 2016

Peek A Poo

Yes, you read that right. Poo. Peek A Poo. It's a game I've invented since I never, ever, ever, ever get to take a crap by myself. Ever.
I'm sure I've written about this before. It's an occupational hazard of becoming a stay at home parent. Inevitably the call of nature bellows and you must answer. Whether your child is not walking yet, crawling or hey, just wants to hang, you are going to have to make room for one more in the most private of places. The shitter.
These days I've worked out a system. It includes a booster high chair and some snacks (for her...not me). But let's back up.

You have a beautiful baby, you're in bliss. You gotta drop a deuce. No prob, your partner lovingly takes the child and you head for the potty. Flash forward 2-3 weeks, your partner returns to work and you are left with your amazing child...who cannot be left alone (really, like legally you shouldn't leave her alone). But really, the moment will come when you need to use the restroom. You'll be good at first, you'll hold out until she's asleep...she will, I repeat she will wake up the moment you sit down.
I started by laying her in her carseat right in front of the open bathroom door. However, the dreaded day will come that yes, you will need to hold your beautiful, perfect, pristine newborn as you drop the "other kids" off at the pool. Yep, I said it. We, as parents, have all done it (and frankly, I'm not convinced you truly are a parent until you've had a staring contest with your kiddo while blowing the butt trumpet).
Now all of this is well and good. It happens, right? Shit, I mean.
Now add another kid.
And a dog.
Because even when Ty has both of the girls, Tootsie feels the need to come and check on me.
Butt (see what I did there?) back to that second kid.
I'll have RP all set up with snacks. She's smiling and happy, I'm about to back up the brown trailer in the garage and ESC come barreling in to "help".
"Hi, Mom. Don't worry I got RP. Whatcha doin? Are you pooping? (giggle, giggle) Peeeeyooooo"
As you can imagine this is all veeery fucking helpful.
So yes, most days there is a party/audience in my bathroom. And some days RP and I even enjoy a little round of Battleshits (yep, what it sounds like, yep, stolen from the White Castle movie).
My point of this post (besides grossing everyone out and finding new euphemisms for pooping) is to point out that we are never alone as parents. I can't cook without a child underfoot. Phone calls often include telling at least one child to shut the hell up please be quiet. Uninterrupted sleep? Doesn't exist. Car ride without kiddie songs? Nope. Dinner alone would need to be booked months in advance and you'd better pray nobody gets sick!
But when I get in my car alone, I find myself looking up the song from the movie ESC and I watched last night. If Ty and I ever get a night out, we often chat about our lovely ladies. If I ever find myself with a moment or two to myself, my heart is filled with thoughts of my girls.
Yes, I can every so often be alone, but my heart and soul are always filled with my babies. So while I pray that one day I do, in fact, get to do a number 2 all by my lonesome, there are 2 that I will never be without.
And I'll never want to.


linda said...

.....and when you have the empty nest and you think you finally can have the bathroom to yourself and you have only one bathroom, your husband will need pee RIGHT NOW!

linda said...

OOPS. need TO pee.