Wednesday, May 9, 2012
Day of Mommies!
Here it is. My first Mother's Day. Now yes, I was technically pregnant for Mother's Day last year but to me, this year's the real deal. So here it is just a few days away and I am not sure how I feel about it. I have a lot of emotions this year. Here's the lowdown. I. Am. A. Mother. Holy shit. I am far away from my own mom. My husband, while celebrating the mother of his child (me), he is still, and will forever be grieving the loss of his own mother. You see my emotional situation. I am overwhelmed every single day with love for my daughter. She is so smiley, giggly and just plain wonderful. It makes my world when I go into her room in the morning or after a nap and she sees me and smiles. When I sing her to sleep I take a moment to just hold her because just for a second I feel as if I NEVER want to put her down. They don't lie when they say being a parent is the hardest and most rewarding thing you will ever do. She's only 4 1/2 months and I feel this all the time. I could go on and on. As for my mom. I miss her every day, especially now. She was here for Evie Sue's birth and helped me more than she will ever know. She has always been an incredible, supportive, loving Mom and I know she will be an even more amazing Grandma! But I want to share all my joys and tears of motherhood with her. Of course sometimes I do just that, the poor woman gets daily phone calls from me! I want her to babysit! Yes, we Skype and that is great. But fuck it all...it kills me that my mom can't hug my daughter every day! Evie Sue is named in honor of my mother in law. I've said it many times, I got really lucky when it comes to "in laws". I could go on forever but I will just say this; Sue was an amazing woman and I am devastated that my daughter will never know her. I guess I will just have to tell Evie Sue about her all the time. As the day approaches, I am clearly a hot mess of emotions. I look forward to spending the day with my sweet girl but I know I will be thinking of the Moms in my life who can't be there. While I look forward to Mother's Days of the future with toddler drawn pictures on the fridge or my daughter waking me up with breakfast in bed, this year will be a bit more subdued. I will spend the day with my tiny, sweet girl changing diaper after diaper, snuggling, playing and finding things to do around the apartment while she naps. This Mother's Day will be pretty much like any other day these days. Because these days...I am a Mother.