Power, schmower!

There are certain things that I consider luxuries that others may not. Sitting in a coffee shop, latte in one hand, book in another. To me, that sounds luxurious. First day that's warm enough to have that drink on a bar patio during happy hour...luxurious! A trip to Target only for things I want...not need. Oh the luxury! You know what I don't necessarily consider a luxury?(although i should!) Electricity. Power. Lights in my apartment. My coffee maker working! Yesterday we lost power for oh, just practically the entire day! AND it was due to a tree down which meant we also couldn't get out of our neighborhood (don't even get me started about that!). It was my husband's "Saturday" so he was bummed as he had planned a special breakfast for us. Now this has happened before and frankly I'm ok with no tv and since it was a beautiful day, didn't mind no lights or air conditioning. But dammit I hadn't had coffee. And I was hungry. For something other than yogurt and pretzels or something else that didn't require cooking. You might say this set of circumstances put me "in a mood". My husband, on the other hand, got crafty. He ran downstairs to my landlords and asked if he could borrow their grill and proceeded to make one of the best breakfasts I have ever had. He even made coffee! Yep! What you see is grilled steak, eggs baked on the grill, seasoned potatoes wrapped in foil with onions and coffee (water boiled on grill and poured thru filter). It was a badass breakfast! The rest of our day consisted of a free outdoor concert and snuggling in bed with Total Recall. All in all a pretty nice day.

Happy Birthday!

Wow! Where has the time gone? 6 months ago I was in the hospital welcoming my darling girl into the world (I am typing this a few days early to get it right but will post on the 16th). Soooooo many life changes! I'm somebody's Mommy, my husband is somebody's Daddy, I, now on a regular basis, refer to my own mother as Grandma! But today is special for another reason. For me, today not only celebrates 6 months of motherhood but also 35 years of friendship. A friendship that you should all be so lucky to have. A friendship that has not only stood the test of time but the tests of adolescence, marriage, children and distance. All those things that inadvertently pull people apart only brought us closer. We were born to be best friends. She was the brunette to my blonde, the alto to my soprano, the good friend to my bad influence. She was patient and loving as I went through my "wild" years and I stood by her as she married the man of her dreams all the while letting her know I could have a car waiting if she wanted to bail mid ceremony (of course she didn't....thank goodness! love you Josh!) We've gone through all the things best friends are supposed to. Joys and tragedies. Vegas! At our high school reunion we showed up together only to be greeted by an old classmate, who was possibly under the influence, hugging us both saying "Katie and Sara! Of course you're here together!" But what make this friendship incredibly special, and me, grateful beyond words is what happened 5 months ago. I was a mere 3 weeks into this whole parenting thing. The nights were still sleepless, the boobs still sore and my emotions still raw. My mother had left and we had a couple of weeks to ourselves when Katie came out to visit. Now visit is the wrong word...hmm....save us. She absolutely saved us. She walked into my place, took Evie Sue's bassinet out of our bedroom and into her's and said "I'll get you when she needs you." Yep, you read it right. My friend left her loving husband and darling children to fly across the country for 4 days to wake up with me and my new baby EVERY 2 HOURS. Evie Sue would cry, Katie would change her, come and get me, wait until I was done nursing and take her back to put her down again. She did this all night long...the whole time she was here! She made it possible for me to sleep in my own bed for the first time in weeks. And you know what else? She vacuumed. And cried with me. She took me to dinner. And Target. My mind is still blown by the kindness of my dear friend. As we continue to move forward in our lives I know that we will stay strong as friends even if we don't speak for a month or I inevitably forget a child's birthday. I know I can count on this friendship for years to come. So thank you Katie (Flater) Vadnais for being you. Kind, caring, selfless, lovely, wonderful you. I can only hope that my daughter will be so lucky as to have such a friendship but I know she will forever have her Aunt Katie! Happy Birthday!

Food, Glorious Food!

I'm a little emotional right now. We just took a huge step with Evie Sue (yes, WE...big step for Mommy too). The Button just had her first meal of "solids"! Yep, that's right, I bit the bullet. Yesterday while shopping at Target, I purchased my darling girl's first taste of solid food. Now if you read this blog you know that I had struggled with this. Which brand, what kind, do I really need to do rice cereal, should I let her decide, what does my pediatrician say, what do the ladies on my breastfeeding board say, what do my friends say......ahhhh! My friends said Gerber, my pedi said rice cereal whenever, the board ladies said nothing but breast milk until 6 months and then do fruit or wait and let her decide. I decided to try and split the difference as much as I could. She is 2 weeks away from 6 months so I figured we'd just go for it, today! I bought Gerber Organic Brown Rice Cereal (give my crunchy side some peace of mind) we thinned it significantly with breast milk, put a bib on Evie Sue and went to town! She did awesome. The second she saw that spoon she knew it was go time. She was so excited to "help" by pulling the spoon towards her mouth and at one point even tried to tip the whole bowl in her mouth. She swallowed everything we gave her and yes finally got so excited she knocked almost the entire bowl over onto the floor!(thankfully we were pretty much done anyway). I planned it for today so Daddy could be a part of it and help. I think he had as much fun as Evie Sue. One of the best parts? Right as we started I Skyped my mom. Grandma and Grandpa got to see Evie Sue chowing down! Now yes, it was little more than grainy breast milk but it was huge! Button had food...real food...in a few weeks we may try a banana! For now she will continue to nurse (my next short term goal is 9 months) and have one "meal" of cereal a day but I can already see how much she, and we, are going to enjoy this!

5 Months and time for food!

Ugh! I am the biggest slackstar ever! I really for really real meant to have a post all ready to go when Button turned 5 months and of course life got in the way. Work, laundry, dinner, nursing, laundry, lunch, dishes...they all got in the way, sorry. So how did my lovely Evie Sue spend her special day? At tech rehearsal with Mommy (gotta get her started early right?) for Fiddler on the Roof...I'm hoping for a L'Chaim as a first word! I had a whole post about inadvertently becoming a stay at home mom but I must have been having a frustrating day because it came out a little negative. Yep, staying at home can be frustrating, mind numbing at times and a tad bit lonely here and there. But I wouldn't change it for the world. I get to hang with the coolest, happiest baby ever and I don't miss a thing. I also had a post about the differences in parenting styles/fair share of household duties that I have experienced so far but frankly, we are relatively on the same page about most things, she doesn't really need much discipline yet and when Ty is able to be home and not work from 8am to Midnight, my focus is for him to just "be" with Evie Sue. Of course when his job situation changes there will be some words. So what to write about. Button is going through some really awesome changes right now. She is rolling, reaching, chatting, sitting up and I think, getting ready to eat solids! I had been given the ok to move to cereal by my pediatrician but I was the one who wasn't ready. I am definitely nervous about this next step. Pretty soon she'll be sitting up in her highchair tossing cheerios to the dog and spaghetti at me! Plus I am torn between the crunchy granola side of me which thinks "What's the nutritional value of cereal, why can't I start with bananas, avocados, or baby oatmeal?"(all of which would be watered down to a porridge-y goo with breastmilk) and my other side which thinks "I had cereal, babies have had cereal for decades, it's easy, relatively inexpensive and my pediatrician suggested it"...ugh. Making life decisions for a life that you created and are responsible for and want to nurture and teach good habits and lessons to early is exhausting! I have tried to eat well in my adult life....now yes, in college my roommates will testify to the fact that I existed on real coke and fake mashed potatoes but as I started learning how to cook and put flavors together I made better choices. Getting pregnant just made me try harder. Now I try and make sure I get what I need for Evie Sue. Protein, veggies, fruit. I make all fruit smoothies, salads and lots of sauteed veggies to go with chicken and baked potatoes. Greek yogurt is a fave, oatmeal happens almost daily and if I have some time I try and make my own granola bars. But those damn sweets get me! I NEVER had a major sweet tooth before I got pregnant but now it won't go away. Really. It's sort of pissing me off as there are days I feel as if I am on a slow boat to type 2 diabetes. I try and make "good" sweet decisions like dark chocolate and fruit but man, sometimes a cupcake or a candy bar really hits the spot. As I move forward with this adventure of introducing my baby girl to veggies, fruits, whole grains and all that good stuff I will try not to sneak a Snickers in there...at least not for her. I will try my best to teach her good eating habits while being realistic about my budget and the taste buds of a small child. I will hope for an adventurous eater that will at least try everything we put in front of her. I can't wait to see her face each time we give her something new. Oh the fun we're gonna have!

Day of Mommies!

Here it is. My first Mother's Day. Now yes, I was technically pregnant for Mother's Day last year but to me, this year's the real deal. So here it is just a few days away and I am not sure how I feel about it. I have a lot of emotions this year. Here's the lowdown. I. Am. A. Mother. Holy shit. I am far away from my own mom. My husband, while celebrating the mother of his child (me), he is still, and will forever be grieving the loss of his own mother. You see my emotional situation. I am overwhelmed every single day with love for my daughter. She is so smiley, giggly and just plain wonderful. It makes my world when I go into her room in the morning or after a nap and she sees me and smiles. When I sing her to sleep I take a moment to just hold her because just for a second I feel as if I NEVER want to put her down. They don't lie when they say being a parent is the hardest and most rewarding thing you will ever do. She's only 4 1/2 months and I feel this all the time. I could go on and on. As for my mom. I miss her every day, especially now. She was here for Evie Sue's birth and helped me more than she will ever know. She has always been an incredible, supportive, loving Mom and I know she will be an even more amazing Grandma! But I want to share all my joys and tears of motherhood with her. Of course sometimes I do just that, the poor woman gets daily phone calls from me! I want her to babysit! Yes, we Skype and that is great. But fuck it all...it kills me that my mom can't hug my daughter every day! Evie Sue is named in honor of my mother in law. I've said it many times, I got really lucky when it comes to "in laws". I could go on forever but I will just say this; Sue was an amazing woman and I am devastated that my daughter will never know her. I guess I will just have to tell Evie Sue about her all the time. As the day approaches, I am clearly a hot mess of emotions. I look forward to spending the day with my sweet girl but I know I will be thinking of the Moms in my life who can't be there. While I look forward to Mother's Days of the future with toddler drawn pictures on the fridge or my daughter waking me up with breakfast in bed, this year will be a bit more subdued. I will spend the day with my tiny, sweet girl changing diaper after diaper, snuggling, playing and finding things to do around the apartment while she naps. This Mother's Day will be pretty much like any other day these days. Because these days...I am a Mother.

Watch out...opinionated post!

Okay! Is anyone else seriously irritated by this whole "pregnant man" thing? Because I am! Here's the deal...he was not a man!!! Let me clarify. I totally respect the fact that he feels as if he were born the incorrect gender. I also respect the fact that he can make the decision to change his gender by taking hormones and having gender reassignment surgery. Please take notice of the fact that I am even referring to him with male pronouns for crying out loud! That said, what I don't respect is the fact that he made the choice to become a man, took the hormones, even went so far as to get himself legally referred to as a man BUT did not remove his FEMALE organs and stopped taking hormones so he could get pregnant, give birth and call himself a "pregnant man". Again, let me clarify. I don't care that he wanted a baby...great! Have one! By all means. I get that he was the one who was gonna be able to have a baby in the relationship and that's fine. But don't call yourself a pregnant man. It all comes down to the little things for me. I'm happy that he has found himself, I am happy he has a family. But as a woman, who recently gave birth, I take issue with the fact that he wants to be referred to and make a celebrity out of himself by being "the pregnant man". P.S. Men can't have babies...unless of course they have female sex organs...which he did! Which technically makes him...A WOMAN! Being pregnant is an amazing experience and I am sorry that men can't have that...but they can't. It's ours. Because you see we have the uterus and the vagina where the baby grows and subsequently comes out of. It's all basic really. I feel the need to keep repeating myself as to not piss anyone off completely (of course it's my blog so who cares right?) I don't give a shit about his lifestyle. I am so happy he has found peace with who he is. But please don't try and take this from us. I feel pretty badass that I grew a child inside of me because I know only half the population can do it (even less). Don't take that away from me by going just far enough to become a man but not far enough so that you can, for lack of a better term, become a circus side show act. I realize that sounds harsh. But he didn't need to let the whole world in on his little one. If he really just wanted a family with his wife why do I and the rest of the world need to know about it. I find it to be very disrespectful to women that he is out there (whether he started it or not let's face it, he's not running from the cameras)touting himself as a pregnant man when in reality he was born a woman and still had all his female organs when this happened...because if he hadn't/didn't it wouldn't have happened! Pregnancy is a wonderful, mind blowing, insanely amazing experience that only women have the honor of experiencing. And not all women even get to. Some women can't get pregnant, some need help. Some spends years trying and wishing and agonizing over the possibility. Have respect for that. Even if you make the choice not to be one of us any longer (again, no judgement)don't take this incredible honor from us.

4 months? Really?

A couple of days ago my baby girl, light of my life, joys of joys, the person I waited 9 months to meet, the person that my husband and I created(!) turned 4 months old. Really! 4 months of not sleeping well, breastfeeding, changing a gazillion (literally) diapers and having the time of my life. I have watched her grow from a tiny 6 lbs to a, well, tiny 11 lbs. I have pulled hair out and cried many a tear both sad and happy. I never believed I could have so many amazing feelings towards something so little. Someone that has changed my life in every way possible, all for the better.
But I have a secret.
Every Tuesday night, as I pull away in my car for my one night of work, I turn up the radio incredibly loud and sigh a tiny sigh of relief. The next 4 hours (roughly) are mine. I get to drive, really fast, and not worry about the tiny being that I am responsible for in the backseat because she is not with me those nights. I get to run around with my students and not worry about if my baby girl is being entertained, learning something or just plain safe because she is not with me.
I get to sing as loud as I want to whatever music I want and not worry about waking a sleeping baby or tainting her musical education with some pop crap that frankly, can be super fun to sing along to because she is at home.
She is at home safe in the arms of Daddy and I am free.
I know. I sound awful. I am the worst mother ever.
But damn it feels just a little good to drive away those nights with the window down and the massive weight of raising a human being off my shoulders for a few hours.
I have learned to let go (a little) and trust my husband (a little) and for a few hours each week I get to go away and let my husband and daughter bond.
Now don't get me wrong. I walk in the door after those few hours and I make a beeline for the Button. No hello kiss for the hubby, no pat on the head for the dog. I make a straight shot for my daughter, scoop her into my arms and hug and kiss her as if I've been gone for days. I've never known what it's like to miss a person like I miss her in those few hours.
Hmm...maybe I'm not the worst mother after all.