I'm in a Mommy state of mind.

In keeping with the "parenting" ideas, I decided to write about some of the decisions that I HAVE made for Evie Sue's life.
Now I'm not talking about her college major or who she'll marry if she decides to. I'm talking about things like will I allow her to get a tattoo(yes), a facebook account(only supervised) or a cellphone...dear lord what have I gotten myself into?
Okay, let's start with the cellphone. Does my child even need a cellphone before she hits double digits? Nope! And even then I'm just thinking for emergencies. Hmm..maybe not until she's driving...wait! Driving? Maybe that's when I should take it away....I'll get back to you on this one.
Now, about that tattoo. Yes, absolutely. But she's gonna have to work for it. And I don't mean just paying for it herself (which she will have to do) but I want research. If she is going to put something on her body that will last forever (as both Mommy and Daddy did)I wanna know where it's going and what the design means to her. And it better mean something, not just "cause it was pretty". It will be like a little project. Mommy and Me body art class!
Facebook account? Computer time in general will be closely monitored for safety but yes, at some point my tiny will want to join the world of social media...of course who knows what site will be the it thing then...and with supervision she will be allowed.
There are a couple of things that I decided a long time ago would NOT be my decision to make.
Religion-Which is why we did not have a baptism, that is her choice.
Pierced ears-Again, holes in her body? Her choice (and her money).
Things that I will "push" her ever so gently towards:
A realistic college degree-I.E. not Theatre.
A sport
An instrument-Yes, her voice counts.
I don't care when she starts playing with make up or whether she prefers mack trucks over Barbies. I don't care if she hates acting class and wants to join the Math club. TV? Hmmm...don't really care. I have a massive appreciation for the film industry and obviously there are some incredibly fun and educational shows out there for kids. I don't have a problem with her watching tv and sharing movie night with us. Heck, I may even use it to "babysit" (gasp) her while I make dinner.
I do know that she will have good manners and respect adults. I'm totally ok with teaching my child to say "Yes, M'am" and "Yes, Sir".
I've never been a terribly "girly-girl" so I actually can't wait to see what outfits she decides on when she starts picking them out herself.
As long as she is happy and well rounded.
Now let's talk about her name. Evie Sue. Yes, we call her by both.
Evie-pronounced like Adam and. Long "E".
Sue-Named for her beloved Grandmother who is no longer with us but would have loved her fiercely and unconditionally.
Once we knew she was a girl we knew we would honor Ty's mom by using her name. We wanted it as her middle name so now we just needed something that sounded good with Sue. Nothing too southern or sing songy. We went through all the books and vetoed each others choices. Then one day I was walking our dog and the name just came to me..."Eve? No...Evie...Hmmm....Evie Sue...." We both fell in love and from then on that's who she was.
So yes, both names are important to us and frankly, as pretentious as I always thought it was, her name was designed to go together. Therefore, Evie Sue. Now, will I, every once and a while, just call her Evie? Yep. If one day she comes to us and just wishes to be called Evie, will we respect that? Of course. But her name is Evie Sue.
I am well aware that she is just barely 3 months old (wow!) and that I can talk really big as she drools next to me full of smiles and baby poo. I have no idea how I will feel when she is 2 and screaming because I took away the remote. Or 16 and screaming because I took away the keys.
But man! It's a lot of fun to sit and dream for this little life I created.
And soon enough I'll get to do everything I can to help her achieve these or any other dreams her little heart desires.

You mean I actually have to 'parent' now?

It's no secret that we did not exactly 'plan' on our little baby Button. It's not that we didn't want kids, it's just that...well...we weren't exactly thinking about it almost exactly one year ago, when I got pregnant(wow, that's weird to think about). Nevertheless, and much better for it, here we are. I have an almost 3 month old gorgeous daughter. She lights up every day, makes my world better and brings me so much joy and laughter sometimes I am overwhelmed(in a good way of course).
So imagine my surprise when it dawned on me that I have to make some decisions about how to parent her! Now I realize that she is pretty young but isn't that the time to really get started?
So many decisions to make. What kind of parent do I want to be? Do I want to read a book to tell me or go on my instincts? Natural or not? Attached or independent? Should she learn another language? I'm gonna need to learn how to braid hair!
Let it be known, I have not subscribed to any parenting style so I may not know exactly what I am talking about. I am only going on our experience.
Without realizing it, I did end up doing a lot of what is referred to as "attachment parenting". I breast feed on demand and refuse, at this point, to let her "cry it out". That said, she has slept in her own room since she was 3 weeks old and I let her hang in her swing while I do stuff around the house.
I am not sure if I will allow her to dictate when the weaning will begin but I do know I am pumped to give her her first taste of avocado and cinnamon applesauce!
I know I want her to love animals so we never kept Tootsie away from her. She has already gotten her first scratch(way to go Mother of the Year!).
We also decided early on that we would not create a quiet world just for her. The world is a noisy place and she better get used to it. Do we still sometimes tip toe around and whisper while she naps? Of course. But I still accidentally bang pots and pans, leave the tv on and yes, the dog will bark...and we don't really sweat it.
Right now we are slowly working on a schedule. Evie Sue has naturally fallen into a habit of one 3 hour nap a day. What time that nap happens varies but hey, I'll take it! She also tends to hit the sack between 9:30 and 10:30 pm.
And I talk to her...all the time! I read somewhere that you should narrate everything, all day long. So I do. Well for the most part. To be able to read an actual book I've found it works really well to read to her. Right now she is hearing a very upbeat version of The Hunger Games.
A wise friend also told me to play music that we enjoy. We didn't have to lock ourselves into a world filled with singalong baby tunes that make us want to rip our ears drums out after the one millionth play. She will enjoy what we expose her to. So what do we expose her to? Everything! Showtunes, reggae, classical, heavy metal and Motown to name a few.
We are working on getting her to recognize her hands right now as well as just a little bit of tummy time.
There is SO much!
I don't know a lot about parenting...yet. I feel that while books can tell me where to begin it is up to me to take the steps. Steps to making sure my little girl is happy, healthy, kind-hearted, super funny, free spirited and independent while still being in love with her mom and dad.
Should be no problem. Here we go...

Button is 2 months!

My little girl is 2 months! Holy crapoli! It seems like yesterday I was holding her tiny little 2 week old body, stressing about my mom leaving and breastfeeding and sleep!
I still stress a little about sleep but Evie Sue is getting better at staying asleep longer and I am getting used to less sleep in general.
Obviously I also stress about breastfeeding as this is her food source but that is leaps and bounds above where it used to be.
Everyone says how tiny she is but to me she is ginormous compared to the day she was born. She's got full, smiley cheeks and chunka monka thighs.
Speaking of smiles, our little Button fancies herself a little model with this smile of hers. She started out by mimicking her Momma. I would sit in front of her for hours saying "Hi-i" in my sing songy voice with a huge, idiotic open mouth smile and she would smile back here and there. Nowadays all I have to do is make a raspberry noise or tickle her feet and I get the best reward! An Evie Sue smile!
She is just starting to chat a bit, a few nonsensical noises here and there.
Being a "stay at home" mom has been...interesting. I am staying at home because it is what makes sense for us right now. Do not get me wrong, I am thrilled to spend my days with my sweet girl and frankly don't think I could leave her even if I wanted to, but it's not terribly conducive to that whole "paying the bills" thing. It's been hard. I miss my husband who works his ass off for us. I don't know how I will ever be able to show my gratitude for all he has done. Some days the poor guy literally works from 8am to midnight. I know that I am at home doing something equally important but I am so thankful to have him doing what needs to be done for our family.
All in all, it just gets better. Everyday I learn more and more about this tiny person that I helped make.
Some of my favorite things:
Singing her to sleep.
My early morning hours with her.
Watching Daddy make her laugh.
Watching Evie Sue make Daddy laugh
Snuggling with her and Tootsie.
Showing her off.
Teaching her as much as I can.
So I kind of dig being a mom. I can tell it's only going to get harder but it is also going to be a blast!

The things nobody tells you...and the things everyone tells you but you don't believe.

Here we are. One month into this parenthood thing and the one thing that nobody tells you? The one thing that if you were told you may reconsider? The thing nobody tells you because you really wouldn't believe them?
Sometimes it really sucks.
Preface: I love my daughter with every part of my being. At no point are any of my negative feelings directed at her (well most of the time). She is my new everything and what she needs I will deliver to the best of my ability and then some.
But really...sometimes it sucks.
Because you see, she's this little person with feelings and emotions and fears and needs and pain. And absolutely NO way to tell us which is which. This can be frustrating. Especially at 4am. Or at 5pm when you're incredibly sleep deprived and hungry.
Which reminds me. One of those things people always tell you and you don't really believe them? As a new mom, you don't get to eat...ever. I am currently out of frozen meals and I have no idea how I am gonna make it through the night. I have a fridge full of food but I would need to actually have two hands and 5 minutes to prepare it so that's out the window. I am back to my pre-pregnancy weight already. Miracle? Maybe. Can't find time to remember to eat more than a handful of walnuts and some yogurt? More likely.
"Sleep when they sleep". Um, ok.
Still waiting on her to take a nap today. It's 6pm.
Another thing they don't tell you? You will cry. For no reason. At any time during the day. Oh, pregnancy hormones. The gift that keeps on giving.
Oh and don't even get me started on breastfeeding. As my amazing pediatrician said, "Don't let anyone tell you that it isn't painful. Toe curling, kick your legs, actually cry out, painful". Has it gotten better? Yes, for sure. Does it still blow? Yes, for sure.
You will have irrationally angry feelings towards your partner no matter how supportive they are. If you breastfeed, there will inevitably be that night when you have to get up, cause you see, you have the boobies. And you look over and your partner is sound asleep. Snoring, in fact, through the screams coming through the monitor. And irrational as it is, you are pissed and resentful and sort of want to pour a bucket of cold breast milk over them just so they at least wake up and feel your pain.
"You're dog won't be your baby anymore." Now this blows but it's kind of true. It's just that your baby is SO high maintenance that it can be difficult to cater to anyone or anything else. It's not your fault and certainly I still try and give my dog attention when Evie Sue is sleeping but Tootsie gets shorter walks these days and get in a lot of trouble when she gets in to the diaper pail (which is usually my fault for leaving the top up).
I know what you're thinking, "Wow Sara, do you like your new life as a mom at all!?"
Yes, of course. And no. It is a massive lifestyle change. You are not your own anymore, you belong to this little person that you created and you have to make sure she gets everything she needs all the time. You're gonna be late, for everything. Your clothing, which you will wear at least two to three days in a row and sleep in, will smell like spit up/pee/poo/whatever other bodily function happened within the last 24 hours. You will be tired all of the time. You will not be able to catch up, at least not for the next 10 years.
But as you stand over the changing table for the third time in the last 1/2 hour and suddenly she smiles, it's ok. As you rock away in the recliner, praying that she passes out because it's 3:30 am and she coos, it's ok. And as you jump out of bed because the monitor wasn't making any noise and you run into the nursery only to find your husband and child fast asleep, cuddling in said recliner, it's ok.
She grabs your finger, picks her head up for a second, focuses on you face and slowly falls asleep in you arms...it's all ok. It's all worth it.
It's challenging every hour of the day and yes, I've pulled a little hair out here and there.
But it's the best thing I've ever done and the coolest adventure that I can't wait to continue.

There's an opening in the C-section.

*Disclaimer: If you are one of my friends who is about to have a baby, stop reading. While I am not about to tell a "horror" story necessarily, I know that I did not want to hear labor room tales before I went in.
So...I had a baby. She's incredible. She has my nose. She did not come into this world exactly as I had planned...hehehe welcome to a world with kids, right?
My due date was December 10th which came and went a little too quickly. We spent the day doing brunch, watching a soccer game and generally trying to keep our minds off the fact that the little one had not yet arrived.
My mother arrived on the 11th and on the 12th the docs scheduled my induction for the 16th.
Mom and I and spent the week finishing the nursery and spending quality time anxiously waiting.
Fast forward to around 8 pm on the 15th of December. Let me just say this. Yes, you know when those little aches and pains turn into actual, for real labor contractions. And yes, they suck, they really, really suck. Apparently my baby just needed to mess with us until the last second and then make her way here on her terms.
We finally made our way to the hospital around 4 am. Thankfully I was dilated enough to be admitted and the blissful, epidural filled waiting began.
Hours passed and still no baby. I guess she had a little stage fright. They decided to "induce". They laid me on my side and started adding small doses of pitocin to help speed things along. Unfortunately the only thing that happened was my baby's heart rate kept dropping. Finally my doctor, we'll call him Mr. Personality (he did fine but his bedside manner sucked!) came in and decided, along with my amazing nurses, that we should move ahead with a c-section.
Now I never knew what the big deal with c-sections was and why people tried so hard to avoid them. Finally someone said to me "It's major surgery, Sara!"...um have we met? I've had at least 10 major surgeries in my life, all under general anesthesia.
This did not matter so much once they started getting me ready. It was such a speedy process that you would think I wouldn't have had time to be absolutely terrified. You'd be wrong. My whole body started shaking, I was crying, in general I was a mess.
No matter, we moved forward into the operating room and after what seemed like only a few moments of pushing, pulling and tugging, my little girl came wailing into the world.
Where was my husband through all of this? Holding my shaking hands, petting my head, coaching me through the whole thing.
They checked her out (9.9 on the Apgar!), Ty got to cut the remainder of the cord and my little girl was placed in my arms.
All in all the hospital stay was short and uneventful (except of course that whole giving birth thing). We got home on Monday night and the real fun began.
This first week at home has been a challenge to say the least with the lack of sleep and breastfeeding alone. Not to mention the recovery. My body is exhausted and I have to constantly remind myself to take it easy. My mom was here for the first 10 days of Evie Sue's life and I couldn't be more grateful. We took her to the airport tonight and I am a little devastated.
But I have an amazing partner by my side who is currently burping our little Button while I eat a slice of pizza and have my one glass of red. Evie Sue is gorgeous and lovely and amazing and I can't believe I helped make her...much less get to hang out with her.
Christmas is always special but this year it's obvious why it will be in our top Christmas' ever. Frankly, it wasn't terribly present filled and we didn't do anything outlandish.
But my husband and I made a tiny little present that came just in time for the holiday and we will celebrate her for the rest of our lives.
I know there will be even harder challenges that we will face but I know we can do it. We have amazing friends and family and each other.

Two Week Notice

I really had some high hopes(and expectations)for the end of this here journey. You know, I thought, I've been pretty active this entire pregnancy and pretty damn comfy, I'll feel that way until labor right? Not to mention the fact that I am in complete denial that I actually have to give birth and am still convinced I will wake up in two weeks with a flat tummy and a cute baby!
Cause that's when I am due folks...TWO FRICKIN WEEKS!
Now, I realize that this is a guesstimate and I could certainly go earlier or later but still...
TWO WEEKS!
And yes, I am really starting to get uncomfortable. My pelvic muscles are killing me, I am officially a waddler and I am pretty sure I am having false labor as I type.
Don't get me wrong. I am still doing pretty well considering. Considering I am due to squeeze a child out of my hoo-hah exactly 2 weeks from today!
But seriously, I only gained about 20 pounds so I really just started having any sort of back pain and I am still working and walking the dog dammit!
That said, if I am on my feet for too long I am stuck in my recliner for the rest of the night. That whole shifting in the middle of the night from side to side? Only gotten worse. And man, Baby is getting big! She can simultaneously kick me in the ribs and punch me in the cervix...and that can suck, let me tell you!
So I will rest, as I don't have much time left to do that. I will relish my alone time and I will tell my husband how much I love him as much as I can.
Here we go kids...hopefully the next time I post it will be a picture of my gorgeous little girl!

5 weeks to go...maybe...

I say maybe because we have no idea when Baby Girl Cobb will decide to make her grand entrance into the world. She might feel cramped (I do) and decide she wants out early. Or maybe she is perfectly happy where she is (she seems like it) and will be fashionably late. Either way, we cannot wait!
Does that mean we are completely and totally ready?...HA!
Here's the thing. She will be in our room for a little bit so I was not too terribly concerned with the nursery, until last night.
We woke up Sunday morning after a wonderful day in the Capitol Hill neighborhood of D.C. We ate burgers, walked through the food building and outdoor flea and farmers markets that are part of the famed Eastern Market, stopped in a used bookstore (one of Ty's favorite things to do) and sat in an Irish bar so my amazing hubby could have a couple of beers. We finished our lovely day with a fire, movie and pizza in the comfort of our apartment.
So again, here we are on Sunday. I decided to try and relax for a few minutes in the morning before running errands and sending Ty off to work. I took a short nap and then decided that I needed to rearrange the bookshelves in the nursery, ya know, baby steps. 3 hours later I was on a roll, a mission, nesting had taken over. Really! There was nothing I could do. I was compelled to finish whatever it was I was doing. The problem? I needed the computer desk along with the old computer out of there. The other problem? Not only should I not lift any of that at 8 months preggers, I literally couldn't!
So there I sat with nesting blue balls. I just stood there for what seems like an hour, staring. I needed to get this done. Everything in my body NEEDED to get this done. And I couldn't...without help.
I finally gave up. I made some cinnamon toast and hot apple cider, grabbed one of my baby girl's blankets and cuddled up to watch some t.v.
At 10:30 when Ty got home from work what do you think he did? Well he has been amazing through this whole pregnancy so I knew I could count on him. Sure enough he moved all the heavy stuff out of the nursery for me and this morning I woke up bright and early to continue my mission.
It's not done, it's not perfect but I am happy with the progress and not as concerned as I was last night. Again, she's gonna hang with us for a few weeks at least in her sweet little bassinet and then we will start moving her into her own little room.
AND back to our Saturday...mommy and daddy got to have a wonderful day out doing stuff we love to do!
Whether we are ready or not she is on her way.
I think we're ready!